new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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