His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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