She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
