were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
