I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize