So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
