dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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