see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
