all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
