dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
