naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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