Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Let's get the cat blown out
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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