So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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