I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
