i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
