it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
