The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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