Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
