I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
