Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
