We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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