Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize