I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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