he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize