I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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