I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
