There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
