You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
