gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
