I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Come on in and take your pants off
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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