Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
