I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
