my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
