Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
