we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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