My liver just broke up with me...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
