The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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