Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
