Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
