Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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