I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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