Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You were trust falling into bushes
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