thus making me awesome and them whores
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
