I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
