then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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