I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
