I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
