I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
