I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
