Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize