I think scott just propositioned me for sex
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
