Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
