are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
