pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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