Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
