well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
