Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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