she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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