What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
high people should be assigned attendants
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
