i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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