My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
and you fell through a lawn chair
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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