EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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