I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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