Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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