You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
