Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
