I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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