I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
