Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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