WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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