Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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