Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
