dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
