every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
