His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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