can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
