you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
