i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
