I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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