Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
