I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
