tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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