I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
