I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
