so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
