tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
