I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
