Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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