What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
