What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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