im having a threesome with these popsicles
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
