Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize