I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize