I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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