I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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