I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
