if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
