You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
