you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
