i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
