I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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