No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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