They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
