oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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