I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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