How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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