then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
