i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
