I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Someone came in the potted fern
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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