I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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