I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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