I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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