Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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