i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
