Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
