trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize